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Merry Christmas and more

December 25, 2012

Dear Peach,

Today, you celebrated your second Christmas. We spent it much as we did last year and, before you were born, the four years preceding that. We woke up, got dressed, and spent the morning celebrating over breakfast and presents with Weh Halmuni and Harabuji, and Eemo and Eemoboo. Your bff was there of course, and this year we were blessed to have your new baby cousin join us as well.

Afterwards, we packed up the car and drove to church for morning service. You fell asleep in the car and abba kept you company while you finished your nap and umma headed into church. After service, we picked up Chinese and went to umma’s best friend’s house, to celebrate with the “L Dynasty” family. We were there from around 1pm until 9pm and you were a complete trooper, even while skipping your second nap.

You fell asleep on the way home, and we woke you up to bring you inside. You didn’t enjoy that very much and we ended the night trying to get you to calm down while we hurriedly changed you into your jammies, gave you your milk and water, prayed over you, and sang your bedtime lullabye, “Amazing Grace.” I felt badly that you were so exhausted (very understandably so after the past few days of holiday celebrations), but I hope you will understand that sometimes, even when we are tired, there are occasions worth spending extra time over – sharing important moments with friends and family in celebration and fellowship can be as important as any worship. Building relationships, strengthening friendships, serving others, and just showing up when love needs to be shown…we can do that for each other, even if convenience or comfort needs to be tossed out the window for a time. Christmas is a special time of year, not because of the presents we receive/give, the days off work we enjoy, the cookies and cakes we eat, etc. It’s special because it’s a day that symbolizes the crux of our faith. Our Lord and Savior was born to this Earth – sent with love and sacrifice by our Heavenly Father, to walk with us, to experience what we experience, to suffer, to love, to grow, to deliver, to experience, to save…so that He might be our Friend, our Confidante, our Savior, and our Redeemer. His birth began the script of our story. We are because He was. I hope this is something you will come to know and understand on a personal level, and with greater wisdom than your own umma. I believe you were created to be used mightily, my dear daughter. You are a mighty warrior and you already have in you, from the moment you were born, everything you could possibly need (AND MORE) to live out the incredible adventure God has planned for you. So you need never be afraid. You never need to question or worry or doubt. You have everything you need and more – all of it, right in you.

This evening, as I kissed you good night, it was hard for me to leave the room. I wanted to hold you and apologize for every shortcoming I’ve already had to you. My love grows for you deeper and deeper each day, and I know that I can never be enough. I can never give you as much as I want to give, I can never be the mother I want to be, I can never fully satisfy the hunger I have to show you what you mean to me. I am so thankful that even when I am not enough, God fills the space and He supplies everything that is lacking. He makes us complete and we can have confidence and assurance knowing this!

I am emotional tonight, my Peach. My little screechy peachy who is already growing to be such a sweet, talented, loving, funny, intriguing, interesting, exciting, joyous, adventurous, smart, stubborn, wild, and beautiful girl. Tomorrow, we find out whether you will be a noona or an unnie and, as excited as I am by that, and as happy as I am for the little baby inside me, tonight I am reminded of how fast time flies and how moments slip by. It seems like not so very long ago that we were counting down each agonizing minute until we had our own scan with you. My pregnancy with you crawled by week by week – I couldn’t wait for the next scan to see you again, or to learn a little about you! That’s not to say I don’t love this baby every bit as much. It’s just that this time around, everything seems to be going by so fast and I’m left clutching at it, instead of willing it to go from milestone to milestone. The baby inside me is already 20 weeks old. Slow down! My little Peach is already almost 2 years old. Slow down!

I want all of it to slow down. I want more of what we have right now. More of your sweet babyness and your hilarious toddlerhood and the soft, gentle flutters of the baby inside me. I love what we have, even when it is utterly exhausting. And yet, each moment brings more joy than I could have imagined. You bring more joy than I could have imagined.

Thank you, my Peach, for making umma so happy just by being you. You are exactly as God has created you, and I hope you will never, ever lose that or feel that you have to change or hide the beautiful creation God has made with you. To thine own self be true, just as God created you. I am so proud of you, my Peach. Keep growing, keep exploring, keep questioning, keep asking, keep seeking…but through it all, keep growing also in the Lord. Keep exploring the paths God has set before you. Keep questioning the laws of the world. Keep asking God for His counsel and wisdom. Keep seeing what is right and true, what lies deep in you.

I pray you and this baby will share a lifelong bond of love, respect, loyalty, and deep friendship. I believe God will honor this prayer and I thank Him for it. I can write and write and never say enough of what is in my heart tonight. But this is my attempt. And, if anything is to come of it, it is this…

I love you.

You are my life’s masterpiece.

You are my shining star.

You are my miracle.

You are my little girl.

And you always will be.

Love,

Your umma

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