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The Prequel: And so it begins

September 28, 2011

So the next few posts are going to be ones that I created for another blog that didn’t last for very long. (oops)

A little sneak peak prequel of sorts into life before the screechy peachy made her debut. And then the early days following after.

Let’s start today with a post I wrote a few days after I learned I was pregnant, shall we?

June 3, 2010

I began this site to have a place to write out my thoughts. I wanted it to be a place where I could write to our Little One, and to begin to record TG and my experience in carrying our child to birth.

But, the truth is…I am really freaked out! I literally had to go back to erase and rewrite this post because I had initially started it as a letter to our bean. And I’m not sure I am ready to do that yet. I’m not sure if I am ready to use the words “mommy” and “daddy” and be referring to TG and me!!

Huff. Puff. Okay, deep breath.

Little One, I know you can’t see or hear this…but I want you to know it’s not your fault that I’m freaking out here! You are just going to have to be patient with me while I figure this out, okay? I promise you’ll get a chance for payback when I am changing your diapers for the umpteenth time and praying to the heavens that you will take a nap.

O my Lord. LITERALLY.

There it is. Diapers. Naptimes. BABIES.

ME? BABY?

TG? BABY?

ME? TG? BABY? TG? ME?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Okay, maybe it’ll be easier if I start with the facts.

On January 1st, 2010, at the suggestion of my dear mum, TG and I began a 40 day prayer about whether we should begin to plan to have a baby. To be honest, by this point, we knew we wanted to have children someday, but really didn’t have any interest in starting one any time soon. Without going into details, after the 40 day prayer, (I’ll do that later at some point when I can get my head to stop freaking out for more than a second at a time), we felt that God was leading us to a “yes”.

So. We agreed that we would begin to consider trying for a baby. After TG graduated from his MBA program. After we moved back home to NJ. After TG began his job. AFTER WE HAD HEALTH INSURANCE FROM SAID JOB. In my mind, I put the whole pregnancy thing on the backburner for, oh, about another year or so. That sounded good.

Well, as you can imagine, things did not quite go as we had so sensibly planned.

On May 29th, 2010, I took a pregnancy test merely as a precautionary step because I was late on my period and TG and I had promised to help my sister and brother-in-law move that day. In the slight, minute chance that I was pregnant, I knew I should probably avoid lifting heavy items. Just to be sure, I bought the most expensive brand of pregnancy tests I could find at CVS. Three of them.

Around 12:10pm, I took my first test. TG set the timer. We met in the kitchen and I told TG that under no circumstance should there be two lines on that pregnancy test.

The timer beeped.

We held hands and walked up the stairs to the bathroom.

Two great, big, fat, bold, lines.

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.” I started to panic and immediately turned to TG frantically to say, “We. don’t. have. maternity. insurance. This. can. NOT. be. happening.”

I was amazed at how calmly TG was reacting. He merely hugged me tight, looked at the test, and said, “Okay. Okay. It’s okay. It’ll be okay.” Later on, he admitted he was doing his own private freak-out in his head.

I told him to set the timer again. I was going to take another test.

Beep Beep.

TWO LINES.

Okay, I had one more to go. Surely, this one would do the trick.

Beep Beep.

THOSE TWO LINES AGAIN!!!

So, that was Day One.

After a lot of praying and, yes, some crying on my part, we think we should be in the clear with our maternity coverage since TG begins his job soon. We will not be 100% sure until he begins his job, but we know that God will carry us through no matter what.

Even though I still find myself freaking out every few seconds.

O ye of little faith indeed.

And that leads me to the second reason why I wanted to start this site. Over the last three years of my life, God has been so incredibly faithful in His amazing grace and lavish love for us. Lavish Love. That has been such a dominant theme in my life the last few years, and it’s a phrase that I can’t keep out of my head. There’s a long story behind that too, but I’ll save it for another time as well.

For now, I guess it is a daily reminder to myself that the Lord’s love is lavish. That He doesn’t just dole out little droplets of His love and grace. He lavishes it upon us, even when it is so completely undeserving.

TG and I are excited for our Little One, who we’ve agreed to call Mee-Deum (or “faith” or “trust” in Korean) while he/she is still in my belly. Again, another story behind that for another time.

Yes, we are excited for our little MD, but we are also truthfully a little (okay, a LOT) knocked off our legs. Since I hadn’t been planning to get pregnant, I was not on any prenatal vitamins. I have no idea what I’m allowed to eat or do. I thought I did but now that I am here, I have no clue. I keep finding myself googling things like, “Is it okay to eat sweet potato when pregnant?” I know it’s silly, but, unless you’ve been in my shoes, cut me some slack and know that this whole pregnancy thing is hard and scary! At least right now it is.

But any time it becomes too much and I feel the panic rising in me, I have the Lord to lean on. He is so good, He is so faithful, and His timing and His plan is always so much greater than anything we could ever dream on our own.

So I am learning to say thank You. Thank You, Father for this gift. This gift that came so unexpectedly, and, yet, this gift that I know will change my life forever. And, since it’s from You, I know it will change my life forever for the better.

And, finally, I want to end this first introduction to our story with another thank you. This thank you goes to my husband. Through this experience, I am assured yet again at how blessed I am to have my best friend beside me in life. The Lord is our rock and our shelter, TG, but your hands and your heart are the ones He uses to bring me comfort and joy in this life. Thank you, TG, for being such a calm through the storm, and for amazing me (still! after over 20 years of love and friendship!) with how very right I got it all those years ago when I first felt myself falling for you. I am so truly lucky to be on this blessed and broken road with you.

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